Top or Bottom?

Updated: Mar 26

Let's be real, right from when you've been certified gay and your sex life hits the road, tradition would have you believe that you should either be tops or bottoms.


It's pretty much like you've been sworn into an ageless cult and you can't switch houses. The problem with this is that quite so often attractive gay men restrict themselves from getting under the sheets unless their partner is of the other house.


So you hear things like “I’m top (dominant) and he’s top (dominant) it just can't work”. To men who consider themselves versatile and are not bound by such opinions, we say well done.


To those who are not sure of where they stand or are skeptical of swinging in between both sides, let's guide you on how to figure what's right for you.  


First Things First: Know Where You Align.


If you have ever read the books on how to top like a stud or how to bottom like a porn star, then you should be familiar with the thoughts of woody Miller who authored them. Miller has argued that gay men can know if they are dominant or submissive by considering other areas of their lives outside penetrative sex. For instance, if you are the first to initiate acts like kissing, you’re the dominant one. Meanwhile, if you just flow with the tide, you’re the submissive one. The same applies to sex. Do you love leading your partner or do you enjoy being led?. Be that as it may, a plus side to knowing if you're top or bottom is the fact that you can easily declare your preference when you're in the mood for a quickie. 


Going on, you should note that there is absolutely nothing wrong if you enjoy switching from submissive to dominant or vice versa every once in a while. Unlike what many may think, your position preference is not your full identity. Your being top or bottom can depend on how old you are, what phase of your life you are in, and how fit you are. Put simply it can change with circumstances and time.


Discover What's Hindering You From Experimenting. 


Truthfully, if you've topped and bottomed a couple of times, you’re likely to prefer one position to another and whichever position you prefer is just fine. However, there is an erroneous traditional belief in the gay community that prizes topping over bottoming. According to Miller, bottoming attracts the perception that you've given up your masculinity. Furthermore, quite often men who bottom are termed sluts. So there is the factor of shaming that often hinders gay men from experimenting. That said, in truth, however, these opinions are nothing but sexual thoughts prison and there really should be no big deal about who is topping or bottoming. 


On a final note, when determining which position is right for you, experimentation is key. If you feel naturally comfortable topping (not just because the gay community shames the submissive) then good for you. If you're a bottomer then it's fine as well and if you are versatile, that's also perfect. It really doesn't matter who gives or receives the fucking. Simply be comfortable in your skin. 


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